Today’s reflection is written by Ann Waller.
I am shut in so that I cannot escape; my eye grows dim through sorrow. Every day I call on you, O Lord. —Psalm 88:8-9
My whole life, I have struggled with depression. Growing up, I always felt alone even when with other people. My friends couldn’t understand why I was always “in a mood,” and, truthfully, neither could I.
As an adult, I still struggled, not knowing why. Sometimes it would get so bad that I just didn’t care about ANYTHING. I know this was hard on my family. I could see it in their faces. They would try so hard to cheer me up, ask questions to try to help, but it just didn’t matter to me. I hated that it didn’t, but I couldn’t change or shake it off.
I was raised Catholic but left the formal church because of what I perceived as their “man-made” rules. However, I used to go sit in the empty church and talk to God. I always felt His presence. I believe this is what sustained me all those years.
Finally, science caught up with my symptoms, and I was diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). I was prescribed a light therapy that changed my life! I still struggle at times, but nothing like it used to be. I still talk to God, and while some days He seems distant, I always find Him! Sometimes it just takes longer.
These past six months have changed the way we live. We no longer have the face-to-face contacts that we’re so used to and dependent on. Our life rhythms are drastically different. There is an increase in fear, anxiousness, and despair for a lot of people trying to cope with this new way of living. We want our old way back. But let us not forget that God has not changed and will not change. He is still present with us through this uncertain time.
My faith kept me going all those years and still does today. I can look back and see where God intervened to help me even when I wasn’t capable of seeing it at the time. What a blessing to know God will NEVER leave us, no matter how we are struggling or what we are going through. He is a constant presence and the strongest anchor to cling to when we feel we have nothing left. He will not let us down. Thank you, Lord!